(c) J Pearce 2005

23/1/2003

Well, here we are again folks, getting towards the end of January and nothing interesting has happened yet!

Mind you, I can’t really say I was expecting much; it helps if you have low expectations, lol.

So what have I been up to? I have finally managed to get around to doing some of the jobs I have been putting off for the last couple of years, it was great being off work for two weeks over the Christmas/New Year period, I even managed to finish putting the alarm in my house, its only taken me about five years to get around to it. haha.

Being in at New Year also had its benefits; the house has never been tidier, or cleaner.

Time for new resolutions and new aspirations, it could be an interesting year, I intend to look at things differently this year. The kids are getting older and it may well be time for me to take a little time out for myself. I’ll take time out for the kids still, I promised them we will go on holiday this year, it’ll be the first time we have been on holiday for about six years. Perhaps they are not asking too much? lol

26/1/2003

I’ve had a very pleasant weekend, for a refreshing change. It’s a surprise sometimes how much better you can feel after you’ve had a little good company.

Back to earth now though, after all it is Sunday, kids are back to school tomorrow, with all the last minute jobs that that entails.

Still not used to thinking of myself as a single parent, but that is what I am, with all the responsibilities that that requires. I quite enjoy being on my own, if I had to say what I miss the most about being married I would have to say that it is the feeling of being alone; I mean, at first it is better than you would imagine, you get to make all the decisions, you have all the choices. Before too long though you realise that you are only really making choices for yourself, and where is the value in that? I don’t miss being married but I do miss being part of a larger unit, part of a couple. The larger unit gives you more to contemplate than just your own navel.

Just lately I have realised that I’m working on ‘automatic pilot’, I don’t seem to have any aspirations, no plans or hopes for the future. I’m going to do something about that this year, not by rushing into anything, but by keeping my eyes open and seeing what appears on the horizon. I’ve probably spent too long looking at where my feet are stepping and not enough time on where I’m actually going.

5/02/2003

Back again, been away for a couple of days and got back to find the kids have destroyed the house, or rather all the cleaning I did before I went away has been well and truly, made up for.

Kids! Don’t you just love them? If you do, do you want mine? Ha-ha, not really, I guess!

Anyway, back to the subject, just got back from London. Seems to me it’s the sort of place that doesn’t get better, no matter how many times you have to go there, and I must admit, its not the sort of place I would go to for fun. Where’s the fun in being trampled by complete strangers? It’s just too busy! And so many people there only have English as a second language, what’s happened to the real Londoners? Have they all moved to Cornwall and Wales?

While I’m in the mood for gripping, shall I talk about women? No, I don’t think now is the time; suffice to see they are more trouble than they are worth.

7/2/2003

Well, what can I say? Second month of what I thought was going to be a better year and where am I up to?

Well ………. Still living with Sam and Daniel, still no love interest on the horizon, and its not for want of trying! Seems like I’m not getting anywhere fast, so here’s what I’m going to do, avoid all relationships for a while and give myself a break. I swear I will never understand women anyway, but who does.

17/02/2003

Well, I went out on Saturday night. A friend of mine became a father for the seventh time. You think he’d of learned by now wouldn’t you? But apparently not. The least I could do, as a friend, I thought, was help him to celebrate the birth with the quaint old English custom of ‘wetting the baby’s head’. Wet it? We nearly drowned the little beggar. Hehe. Still, a good night was had by all. Did I say night? I didn’t get in till after five in the morning, and yes I did say ‘never again’.
Two days later, I’m still saying ‘never again’.

Well, not for a while anyway. My parents came up to Manchester on Saturday, nice to see them, as always. Now thanks to a very generous gift from them, I am the proud owner of my first ever CD writer. More sleepless nights ahead of me. Still, I am the kids’ best friend all of a sudden. Still going to do my best to keep them off my pc though. They have this unerring ability to jigger it up when left to their own devices.

Just got in from watching ‘The Two Towers’, great film. All in all its been a good day today, got relatives I didn’t know about (I really should listen when my parents are telling me things), I’m off work on holiday and got to see a great film. Makes a change from my normal routine.

21/2/2003

Well, Friday night and here I am once again stuck in the house with the kids. Mind you. I had a pretty nice day today. I had a friend come round and help Sam with her new hobby, (cross-stitch). I think they both enjoyed themselves. I know it was nice having another adult in the house for a while.

Nearly finished my holiday now, back to work on Monday. Mind you I miss work after I’ve been off for a few days. Good job I like my job I guess. I’ve been dong this job now for a year, and it's still as interesting as it was on day one. And it does get me out of the house!

This no women thing is hard-going. Not been on my own for a while really, this is killing me, hehe.

Anyway, what have I been doing? Managed to spend a large proportion of my time downloading and writing new CD’s for myself. To replace al the ones I have loaned out over the years to so called ‘friends’, only to lose contract with my ‘friends’ and worse still my CD’s. You’d think I’d learn wouldn’t you? But no, not me. I am a very slow learner. Besides, it’s giving me some space back on my hard drive; it was beginning to show the signs of strain. Who’d have thought you could use so much space chatting? ;-)

Off out in the morning, I hope to see Rachael, my sister. I have just got the photos back from last weekend, and I’d like to give her the copies I have done for her. When I get time I may put a couple of them up on the site. If I get time? Who am I kidding, got now’t but time, if I can be bothered to I meant. hehe.

26/02/2003

Only a short entry, got to go to London in the morning early. As a direct consequence of this, I’m already shattered. Lol

Mind you at least it takes my mind off London itself. Got my mobile phone registered for the congestion charge, first time I’ve been since it came into force earlier this month, not the last though I’m sorry to say. I have to go down far more often than I would like. Mind you as I hate our glorious capital once would be more than I liked.

London would be ok if it wasn’t so busy, rushed, smelly and full of southerners. ;-)

Only kidding, it’s not that smelly. Ha-ha.

06/3/2003

Sam made her first apple crumble tonight, and it was very nice. I got to say that as she has a tendency to read this every once in a while. :-)

Other breaking news, Hayley found out the six of her bump today, I am going to be a grandfather to a ? hehe let you know soon maybe.

Had a cold now for a week and I think it has finally broke today. Managed to get a good nights sleep and everything. Feeling better again soon, I hope. Only a short entry though for now as I still feel lousy at the moment. Not got my energy back yet.

08/03/2003

Just got back in from lunch, should have got back earlier, I’m behind now on everything I need to get done before Monday. Still why should the kids have a clean uniform every week? And more to the point, if they want it why can’t they go and beat their clothes on the rocky riverbank? It was good enough for their ancestors! Kids these days are just spoilt! Don’t know they’re born!

I’m almost over my cold now, I’ve been feeling like death warmed up for over a week now, spent almost every minute I’ve been at home either sleeping or trying to sleep.

Having said that the Internet keeps me busy in the early hours of the morning, when all I want to do is cough till my lungs leave my body. It also gives me something to do on a Saturday night when everyone else in the world seems to be out enjoying themselves. At least that’s how it feels at times. I need to get out more. Lol.

I got the chance to speak to Gillian on-line last night, very pleasant chat it was too, I’ll get the hang of the time difference one day, I hope so anyway. She’ll have to be patient with me. I’ll get there in the end.

I’ve decided to update this site completely, should be interesting to see how long it takes me to get the hang of the different programs I intend to use. Watch this space! But don’t hold our breath, it could take me a while!

15/3/2003

Well, I’ve been away for a few days, working. I thought the kids would be ok, how wrong could I be?

Wednesday, whilst I was away Samantha asked me if she could pop to the local supermarket and pick up the bits she needed for cooking, she'd forgoten to tell me she needed them before I left. I said ok and told her to take the emergency money I always leave to pay for it and we agreed that she would be quick. Not that she was, she worried me and everyone else as she decided to go to her friends house and stayed to watch coronation street. I turned round in London and started home, Daniel went to the shop and had an announcement sent out to tell her he was there, Hayley and her boyfriend went out looking for her. And then she turned up. I was glad she was ok but I was furious that she had worried us all so much.

I got home on Friday night and it looked like a bomb had hit the house. Daniel had been sick in the night so all his bedclothes were awaiting me in the back yard, Samantha had cooked scones for the first time in school and as a special surprise for me she had cooked some more when she got home, there was flour on every surface of the kitchen, and its not a small kitchen. To cap it all off both of them had a friend staying on the Friday night as well. What a welcome home!

Its surprising really how different things can be when you scratch the surface?

It turns out that Daniel had defied me and allowed his friend to stay on Thursday while I was away, contrary to a direct edict from me. Then to make things worse he had raided my drinks cupboard and showed off by drinking whiskey and tequila in the one glass, no wonder he was sick, I should have rubbed his nose in it.

To make the night perfect it appears that Samantha thought she needed a new top while she had the emergency money, those scones cost me £20!Is it too late to say that I don’t want kids? Or is there a market for teenage kids anywhere? They are hard work at times. And it gets tiring trying to keep up with them, it’s been a long hard week.

18/03/2003

Well, the kids are still playing me up. Daniel had a row with his sister today and did a runner form the house before I got home from work. I called him on his mobile which he answered the second time I called, I asked him where he was and he said he wasn’t gong to tell me then promptly turned off his mobile. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

He did turn his phone back on a little while later, after worrying the hell out of me. I picked him up and took him home.

After we had a chat it turned out that he had had a bad day at school and then had to deal with Samantha’s smart mouth when he got home and it was just too much for him.

She can have a very ‘smart’ mouth when she tries. She got grounded again and he got told off. I really do hope that I don’t have this for too much longer. It’s getting to be a bit more than I can take I think.

Most of the time I can take all their little niggles and gripes, but of late it’s beginning to get me down. Perhaps I should just go away for a little while and see which of them is still alive when I get home? Lol

The kids are going away with their mother for Easter, and oh boy am I looking forward to the break. I think I deserve it and Easter can’t come too soon if you ask me. In fact we should have more Easter breaks. Lol

21/03/2003

Back again, I don’t think I’ve ever written so much as I seem to be doing in here this year, clearly far too much time on my hands.

Not even got much to say today. Its Friday, the weekend starts now and I’m doing the washing and cleaning Friday night coz I got to go into work tomorrow for a while. Don’t you just hate working at weekend? I know I do!

I’m not even doing a proper days work. Instead it’s a favour. Don’t make it feel any less like work though. Lol.

22/03/2003

Well that was an adventure; you really should try and move a 36-foot long trailer home in a field. It is just so much fun!A friend of mine asked that I call at his house this morning and help out for ½ an hour to get this trailer in place………………………… four hours later we had managed to get it into the middle of the field, then the flat tyres managed to bury themselves up to the axel before we had to admit defeat and park it there whilst the tyres are repaired. I bet he’s got another nice little job for me in a week or so. lol

30/03/2003

Well I’m back again, not that I have very much to say. The kids seem to have calmed down a touch this week, maybe I wont have to sell them into white slavery?

Spent most of this week away, you’ll be pleased to hear that London is no better than the last time I was there. It’s still horrible. Lol.

I wish I could say that I have been really busy and done loads of interesting things, but if I did it would be a lie.

Looking forward to Easter though, the kids are going away with their mother and I am going out Good Friday, I think that much loopy juice will be consumed. hehe. Just as well I’m not driving, going to stay at a friend’s house. I can’t be trusted to get home under my own steam.

4/04/2003

Well, what can I say? It’s the early hours of Saturday morning; I’ve stayed up far to late again. But what the hell, its not as if I had anything else to do is it?

Pleased to report the kids are a little bit more back on track, been far easier this week. Not that it has been a doddle, I still had to take the TV and VCR out of Sam’s room until she learns that we don’t leave food and drink under our beds. I am hoping to go down south in the next week or two to see my parents; I’ve not been down since Xmas as a family. I joke about going down four times a year but if I don’t get down there soon I wont even make it down that many times. Still I’m better than I was, since the moved back down I get there more than once every year or so. lol

6/04/2003

Sunday again, oh joy! Don’t you just hate Sundays? I mean, all I ever seem to do on a Sunday is rush round like a headless chicken, trying to get everything done for Monday, kids uniforms, finish the laundry, do a bit more cleaning, and then sleep. Should really get myself some sort of life, or a maid perhaps? Hehe, now that sounds like an idea. Mind you, knowing my luck I’d only get male applications. Lol. Or old maids. And they’d want to get paid as well; I better start doing the lottery. Or prepare to be working like a mule till the kids get older. It’s almost enough to make me consider marriage again. Lol.

Mind you got a problem there, the longer I live alone the more I like it. It is rather nice to know that you can come home, put your feet up and not get moaned at for it. Not that I get chance to put my feet up all that often mind. LolKids are still being good, if you count snarling at each other as being good that is. It is an improvement at least, still got a long way to go though before they are fans of each other though. ;-)

20/04/2003

Well, it’s been busy for the last couple of weeks. Been to London and Bristol for work, whilst I was there I got the chance to call in on my brother, sister-in-law, nephew and mother, they all live in Newport, South Wales.

The kids have been away since Thursday with their mother, she has taken them down to the south coast until Monday, when I have to go to West Bromwich to pick them up and bring them home.

To celebrate my first time alone for a while I have taken advantage and gone out almost every night they have been away, hehe, had a couple of horrendous hangover’s and I earned them both. lol.

It’s Sunday night now, and I feel completely washed out, I guess I’m not as young as I used to be, either that or I’m just out of practise. Ummm, may be I should test that one? I’ll give it some thought next time the kids are away.

Funny thing is, before the kids went I was looking forward to it, but since they’ve gone I’ve done little else but worry about them. The break has been nice but the house is sure as hell different when they are not here. I love them very much and even though they have been hard work of late, I’d rather they were here than anywhere else in the world. In fact, while I am on the subject, they have been exceptionally good of late, more than made up for their poor behaviour of the last few weeks. Thank goodness to, I’m not so sure how much more I could have taken. Not sure what seems to have turned the corner with them but I’ve a sneaky suspicion that it may have been my stamping round the kitchen ranting and slapping the work tops with a wooden spoon telling them that if they carried on I was going to run away from home. hahahahahahahahaha

3/05/2003

Ok, I know it’s been a while since I wrote but I’ve been rather busy. Work is busy and I’m back to travelling all over the place, why can’t we just move London to just outside Manchester? Or better still, speed up global warming! It should be one of the first places to sink with the rise in sea levels. I’m sure no one would really miss it. While we are getting rid of waste of spaces, what about Birmingham? I mean, its just stuck in the middle of the UK, its not as if we need it is it? Besides, anyone with a bloody dopey accent like that deserves to be held under water. ;-)

Daniel seems to be doing well with his web-site so I’ve put a link on my links page for anyone that would like to see how the mind of a teenager works. Lol.

11/05/2003

Well, I took a trip to Kendal on Saturday to resolve some unfinished business. As I didn’t feel like driving I thought I’d give myself a break and take the train. Not the smartest idea I’ve ever had.

To start with I had to get up early, on a Saturday, I never get up early on a Saturday, It’s almost a religious thing with me.

So I get on the Manchester Metro, having left early enough to get myself a paper before I got to Piccadilly to get the train to Kendal. No such luck, the Metro was stopping before it got to Manchester and I had to go the rest of the way by bus. I only just made it into Manchester with enough time to run like hell for the train.

Then at the end of a stressful and tiring day I went to get my train home from Kendal. All went well until it didn’t turn up, I called customer services and was told there had been a fault on the line and to wait at the bottom of the road for a coach to take me to the next station. This I did and when it arrived somewhat late I was pretty fed up. We got to the next station and I was told that the train was still not running and to stay on till I got to Lancaster. Got to Lancaster and was told it still wasn’t running and to stay on till I got to Preston.

By the time I got to Preston the beer I drank in the afternoon was wanting out pretty bad so I ran for the toilets, only to find when I came out that I had missed the train to Manchester and would have to wait another hour before there would be another. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Got to Manchester in time to find that the metro was still not running and some jerk called Justin Timberlake had just finished his concert meaning that Manchester was full of thousands of teenage girls, all of whom seemed to want to get the Metro bus service home as well, not a great day at all.

The bottom line was that instead of getting home for around 8 o’clock at night I didn’t get home until 11.30 pm. It was a long and tiring day. Not one I’d want to repeat again in a rush.

13/05/2003

Ok, spent a couple of nights doing this new site and it seems to be going ok now, or at least better than it was yesterday, I managed to wipe the whole bloody thing off last night.

I’ll do my best over the next week or so to get it running properly and to get all the links and such back as they should be.

You’ll have to be patient though as I’m working all over the place at the moment and I’m not home very much. I’ll do what I can though, when I have the time.

14/05/2003

Back again. As you can see I have finally managed to get the site up and running past one page. I’m not to sure how long it will take to get it all back, still got no Guest Book yet, but I am doing my best with it, managed to get some more pictures of the kids and that up and about though, so it is improving, even if it is slow getting there.

Be sure to check-out the ‘other’ page on the album section, I have put a picture up of Samantha’s first attempt at cake decorating, she did pretty well at it.

PS Just fitted a guest book. leave your comments again. lol

17/05/2003

I’m a touch tired tonight, got home at 23.00hrs, following a 02.00hrs start, still to look on the bright-side, I didn’t have to stay in London after all.

Chose a great day to be there too, the day they choose to close half the roads near where I needed to get so they could practise ‘trouping the colours’, surely they did it last year? Can they have forgotten already? Perhaps they should get soldiers with better memories.

When I did get home I found that Sam had already gone to bed and that she had a friend staying over again, nice of her to ask me. Got to say I know why she didn’t ask though, she knows I’d have said no.

She’s gone shopping with her mates today to get herself some new clothes; I’ll speak to her when she gets home.

I’ve had to get harder with her of late, she’s turning out to be very strong-willed and the only one of my kids that will answer me back, or worse still, just out and out ignore me. She’s got some gumption this girl.

She is a lot of fun though, I took her out last Sunday, we got her three new pairs of shoes, a pair for school, a tidy pair of sandals and a pair that she can just slip on when she just wants to nip out.

She has a larger heel on her school shoes than she has ever had before, it made her clunk around for a few days, lol.

Its been a strange week, not spent so much time on my own for a long time, still its not so bad, I think I’d forgotten how good it is to have some ‘me’ time.

And what have I been doing with all this extra time? Same old things mainly, see to the house and kids, its good to spend a little more time with them, its just too easy to get so wrapped up in your own thoughts at times and not see what’s happening around you.

Having missed the kids so much during the custody struggles and access visits I should already know how valuable this time with them is. Particularly as they are growing so fast, Daniel is leaving school in just a couple of months. He doesn’t want to go to college, or so he says, I’m rather hoping that he changes his mind next year. If he does I’ll see to it that he goes next year. There is no point in forcing him to go now, he’s not benefit from it if it was against his will.

Samantha is 12 in July, where did all the time go? I used to laugh at people saying things like ‘it seems like just yesterday’ but I think it myself all the time now.

I’ve got a five year plan to make myself feel better though, when Sam gets to 16, I’m off out of here, I want to go to Australia, maybe travel round a bit. Alone or with friends don’t matter, just so long as I get to do it. I’ve spent too long looking after kids and putting myself last. That’s all going to stop, going to put myself first for a time. Got no plans for after that but I think that’s enough for now.

The last few weeks have been a testing time, makes you look at your life and take stock a little. Not a bad thing, I look at my life and don’t really like the way it has been so I am going to change things, for the better. Its time to stop pussy-footing around other people, its not as if people worry about how I feel so maybe its time I just worried about myself for a while.

Not that I’d deliberately hurt or upset anyone, but I’m blowed if I’m going to be nice to people, worry about their feelings, and bend over backwards to avoid upsetting them, just to have them behave like spoilt bloody kids.

Just read back through what I’ve been saying, makes me sound like I’m down and depressed, I’m not, well no more than usual anyway. Just got issues. lol.

The kids are supposed to be going to their mothers for the weekend next week, slight problem in as much as Daniel doesn’t want to go, he’s using the excuse that he is revising for his exams. Sam wants to go though, she says she is missing the dogs, I almost feel sorry for her mother. I said ALMOST. hahahaha.

Seriously though, I feel that it is important that they keep up contact with their mother, I just wish she were a little better for them and with them, she just seems to be out of touch with them these days.

They did enjoy their weekend away with her though at Easter, and so did I. It was nice to have some free time to myself. It’s a shame she is not a nicer person and better for them, I could do with the odd break.

She is supposed to have the kids every third weekend and for half the school holidays, an arrangement she has never stuck to since I got residency of Sam. And one I’m not willing to push her to keep to, as I’m not so sure that its what the kids want or that it would be particularly good for them.

The kids miss her but in their own words, ‘don’t want to see her so much’.

Ok, I think that’s the longest entry I’ve ever left on here so I think I’ll leave it there for today.

23/05/2003

I just can’t seem to get myself motivated tonight, have to shake myself up a bit I think. Time to take charge of my own destiny, do something for myself. Just not to sure what yet.

Maybe its just with having been away half the week but I don’t half feel at a low ebb tonight.

The kids are away again this weekend, not got anything special planned; think I’ll practise at being a recluse for a little while. See how that suits me!

Oh sod it, I’m going to bed, let the world sort itself out, you never know, it may all seem better in the morning. We’ll see.

26/05/2003

Amazing isn’t it? The sun comes out and all of a sudden, everything looks better again.

Just after 16.00hrs here now and the kids could get back at any time, I still haven’t got half the stuff done round the house that I wanted to get done, but that’s nothing new for me. I just don’t feel very enthusiastic when it comes to housework/cooking/ironing/washing, etc.

I did manage to do a bit of the front garden though, its not finished by any means but at least it started it. Managed to pick about 7lb of rhubarb as well, got it all stewed last night and I’m making crumble with it for tonight, then I’m going to freeze the rest or the family will be on the loo for weeks.

Managed to spend the bank holiday just mooching round the house, unshaven and unkempt, have to clean my act up before tomorrow morning when I’m back at work.

I’ll only see the kids today and tomorrow then I’m of to Bristol and London for a couple of days, should be back either Friday late on or Saturday, early. Dependant on traffic and tiredness. Still it keeps me out of the office, and that’s not a bad thing.

Oops, kids just got back; did I really say I was missing them? No sooner does Samantha walk through the door than she starts whining, and moaning. Back to normal then really.

Daniel looks stressed and asks me to speak to Samantha as she has been hard work all weekend and he has left it to me to sort out, so that’s where I’m off to now.

30/05/2003

Well, it’s Friday at last! Only been four days this week thanks to the Bank Holiday, so why did it seem to take a month for the week to end?

But seriously, I was in Bristol on Wednesday, London and Kent Thursday. Drove back late Thursday night, boy was it hot.

Five and a half hours solid driving in hot weather, thank god for air conditioning, hehe.

On the plus side, by the time I got back the kids had helped out round the house, perhaps I have turned the corner after all, maybe they are actually growing up and are going to be fun to be around again? I can always hope.

Having said that, Sam has been great today, I think she may have missed me as much as I missed her for the last couple of days, she’s been really clingy, but soooooooo loving. Hehe, I’ll make the most of it now before she starts thinking she is too old for this type of thing.

What is it about hot weather? I really don’t feel like eating anything again. Just don’t feel hungry once the sun comes out. I bought a chippy coz its Friday night, but only ate a little of it, just didn’t feel hungry. My weight is back down to just over thirteen stone now though, not been this weight since before I got married, 16 years ago. So every cloud has a silver lining. I may not be eating so much but there’s not so much of me to carry round.

Not got anything planned this weekend, so maybe I’ll get done some of the things I meant to do last weekend but never got round to.

Not exactly exciting but it has to be done and while the weather is so nice it may be nice to sit outside and relax, once the suns gone in of course, haha.

That will do for tonight, time to get down to some serious relaxing now, at least it will be when I have got the washing in and done the shopping.

6/06/2003

Back again, well it’s the early hours of the morning again, and I’ve suddenly got nothing better to do than this site once again. Off out tonight for a drink with work, going into Manchester, and I’m really looking forward to it. Bout time I had a blow out. Its good for the soul.

Also I spoke to my brother last night, I was returning his call, and its not as if we talk all that often, I asked him if he was likely to be home next weekend as I’m going down for the weekend with the kids and he said not only was he home but we are going out Saturday night! Not only one night out but two then in two weeks, will the old bones keep up with it?

I can feel a good case of drinking to excess coming up, ha-ha.

Not been so far this week, got to go to Leeds for tomorrow but at least I’ve been home each night of the week, not sure if that’s a good thing though.

The kids have both had their first dental appointments for over a year, it seems my own phobia gets in the way of making appointments for them. Well, I hope I’ve got over it now, managed to get in there three times this week, felt sick and faint each time like but at least I got in there this time. Not that I had the guts to make an appointment for me, think hell may have to freeze before I can get me in the chair. If I feel like passing out with the kids I’d never get in there myself would I? Its just that bloody drill, scares the hell out of me.

Sleep pattern is gone back to crap again, maybe I was meant to be a night owl, or independently wealthy maybe. Still getting up ok in the morning and getting through work but feel constantly tired and can’t sleep at night, hence so many entries on here of late.

It is late though so I better go and give it another go, don’t want to fall asleep on the motorway or anything tomorrow, not that I’d worry about me but it seems a little unfair on anyone else I might hit.

7/06/2003

Went out last night to Manchester. Just for a few drinks you understand. Coz we all know I’d not overdo it. Much!

It’s a lot dearer these days to get drunk in town, but it is a great atmosphere. Most of the people that were supposed to go didn’t turn up, nowt new there, but those that did were great company.

Started off in the Shakespeare, then off to a place called the unicorn, I’ve been there before, but only ever after I’ve had a few and I still don’t know where it is. Lol. Finished off in the village, where I lost one of my colleagues, not sure if I lost him or he had enough and headed for the hills.

Really paid the price for my excesses this morning though, got in at four thirty’ish, woke up at eight this morning, mouth like a camels armpit. Three pints of nice ice cold water, Anaddin and a further four hours sleep seem to have done me the world of good though. Now I just feel like kak.

I’m getting too old to keep on abusing my body like this.

When I was a teen I used to do this three days a week, at least, and still manage to keep going, nowadays it would kill me to have to go out two nights on the trot. Just got no staying power. Hahahaha.

That’s it for tonight, time for me to get off and carry on with me chores; I was just rewarding myself for getting one room and the washing done by having a half hour on here. Now its back to the grindstone, ‘a woman’s work is never done’. Lol

12/06/2003

Well, that was fun, NOT! Just got back from London, managed to get 240 miles, pull in at my destination, just as some guy pulls away from his parking space, I stopped, sounded my horn, and waited for the crunch, it came, the guy didn’t even look over his shoulder or out of his mirrors till he heard his car door crumpling. The standard of driving in this country is just appalling. Now I got a paint mark on my bumper and he has a nice big dent in his passenger door. Maybe he’ll learn to look before he pulls away next time. Or if he’d even looked as he WAS pulling away he could have avoided hitting me, as I was not even moving as he hit me, I’d already stopped! I wouldn’t have been so bad if we’d been going fast enough to get whiplash, I could do with the money. lol

London itself was about as much fun as always, till too busy and full of southerners. Ha-ha, not really, there are more foreigners than southerners.

I went to London on Tuesday this week and seem to have managed to miss every bit of rain that’s landed on the UK, I saw rain when I got back to Radcliffe, it was on the road, but I’ve not seen any rain at all in the last three days, just heard about it when I’ve spoken to people on the phone. I’d not have minded seeing a little, it was bloody hot in the car going from site to site.

Managed to save myself a fortune, and do my health some good too; instead of stopping at every service station between Manchester and London to get myself a cup of coffee, I bought bottled water, far healthier and I may be able to get to sleep tonight as well.

That’s the end of my travels for this week, I’m in the office tomorrow to try and catch up with the paperwork I’ve not done while I was away, and off to see my folks tomorrow straight from work.

16/06/2003

Just got back from a trip to South Wales. Spent the weekend with family and what a weekend it was.

My parents were due to go out on the Saturday so I had tentatively decided to make the most of the nice weather and take the kids out. I thought I’d pop round to see my brother and his family prior to going anywhere, but whilst there it got so hot we just sat in the garden all day and didn’t go anywhere else.

The kids were playing in the paddling pool. But I have this thing for water, I just can’t help myself, I had to pick Daniel up and drop him fully dressed into the paddling pool. How was I to know that he had his mobile phone in his pocket? Oh flip!

Saturday night we went out to see a band of solicitors playing old rock tunes, and they weren’t bad either.

I thought I was getting lighter headed than I expected, it wasn’t till the next day I asked my brother and he admitted that he’d been buying my double southern comforts and not the singles I was expecting. That would explain the dry mouth and gentle throbbing behind the forehead the next day.

On the Sunday my mother cooked a roast beef dinner for us all, it was still nice weather so we took the table out into the garden and ate out there. Following dinner we went to Chepstow racecourse for the Sunday market, I only bought Welsh Cakes but it was fun to amble round and watch the kids trying desperately to spend any money they had with them. Ha-ha.

27/06/2003

So what have I been up to since the last time I wrote in here? Well to be honest, not very much. Had a day off work today, not that I had a lot to do, other than a quick trip into Manchester.

Got back from London again late last night. Unfortunately not a social visit, just as well really, I’d not go there for any type of social visit. Beginning to feel sorry for the poor sods that have to live there. Even if they are southerners!

Linda (ex-wife) was up yesterday and today to see the kids. In true kids style they did manage to tell her what has been going on. Only the bad things of course. That’s kids for you. They managed between them to tell her about Daniel getting drunk while I was away, have a mate to stay over after I’d banned him and about Samantha downloading hardcore porn. All the things I’m sure I’d have told her myself, I don’t think!

Then to cap it off, Samantha decided to go straight to her friends after school without telling anyone. Even though she knew her mother was waiting to see her. She didn’t show up till after I’d called the school, gone looking for her and was five minutes from calling the police. Kids!!!!

Can’t seem to shake myself out of this ‘blue’ feeling at the moment, just can’t seem to get motivated, its about as bad as its ever been in the last few years, last time I felt like this I was a teenager, I’m no good company to anyone at the moment, I just seem to swing from one extreme to another. Not a great time for making serious decisions in my life. I’d only change my mind again ten minutes later, ha-ha.

2/7/2003

And so now we are more than halfway into the year and I look back at what I promised myself. I promised that things would be different this year than they had been last year and are they? Are they heck!

I carry on to make the same mistakes, just get to make them a year older now.

Dan is due to finish school any day now, he has finished his exams at last, should be interesting to see how he has gotten on. Not sure if I’m looking forward to seeing his results or dreading them.

He’s still adamant about going out into the work place and not going to college, I did rather hope he might have changed his mind by now. But I don’t think he’s likely to now somehow.

As for myself? Not up to making any decisions yet, still change my mind every time the wind changes.

Funny thing is I feel that there is less and less holding me down, the kids are getting older and I don’t have what I’d term as a zest for life, there are very few things I aspire to, but I still can’t seem to get it into my head what I want to do with my life. Maybe I’ll get it all figured out one day. Then again maybe not, took me forty years nearly to get to this stage where I can’t make up my mind, what makes me think I’ll suddenly know what I want to do with my life now?

12/7/2003

It seems like ages since I last wrote in here. So what have I been up to? Well, to be honest, hardly anything. Apart from the usual things of course, like work, household chores and seeing to and cleaning up after the kids.

Hayley went into hospital on Thursday to be induced for her baby, not heard anything from her since and she has told us to leave her alone until she calls. I know it’s a strange way to behave but then that’s how she behaves. Its now Saturday teatime and I haven’t got a clue as to what is going on with her.

I was away until last night, in London again, got back around nine. No matter how often you go down there it doesn’t appeal to you anymore than it did the first time I was there. I still hate it.

Registered on a dating agency about a week ago, guess what? There is even the occasional normal person on there, ha-ha, it’s given me some adult company to talk to at least. It’s sort of like a chat room but with normal people on it. Despite my preconceptions, its turned out quite nicely, I’ve not met anyone, not so sure that’s what I need, but its good to be able to talk to normal people.

I managed to get some gardening done today, chopped the privet back as far as I can without killing it, I hope. I also trimmed back a couple of the trees, its not finished but its looking better and I have light again in my front garden, just a shame there is no green left on the hedges, lol, they just look like sticks now.

I’ve been cleaning, gardening or cooking since I got up this morning and I still seem to have loads left to do, I think I could do with a few more hours in the day, about 56 should do me I think. At least then I’d get a decent lie-in. And we all know how I like my lie-in!

Think that’ll do for now, maybe I‘ll have something interesting to write in here one day, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.

16/7/2003

Well, its been all go for me for the last few days, I’m pleased to report that Hayley, the eldest daughter has finally decided to give birth.

Little Faye was born at around 22.05hrs on the 14^th of July, at 5lbs 15 ounces. She is healthy and well and came home on the 15^th.

Apart from that I’ve been rushing all over the country again with work, there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day.

When I get more time I’ll try and update a little more fully.

5/09/2003

Well, it’s been a while since I made any entries in here, but with good reason. I managed to crash my computer and lose all my websites. Then to compound my problems I couldn’t find my website creator. To make matters worse, when I did eventually find it I couldn’t download this stupid flaming site and had to rebuild it the hard way. But at least its back now and I’ll try and keep it up to date again.

Can’t really say I’ve done a lot though while I’ve been off. I have been working a lot again, and I’m back to travelling all over again. Seem to spend as much time in London as I do in Manchester these days. Not that London has grown on me any. Haha.

Had loads of problems with my car of late, fortunately these were sorted out very cost effectively by my brother. Bless him!!

I have also discovered the wonders of selling on eBay, a friend and myself are having a bit of fun and seeing if we can make a few quid at the same time. If you look on the links page I will put a link to my current sales.

As you can probably guess I am really not looking forward to next week, if I have to reach forty I think I will do it the quiet way, alone and locked up with a bottle of Southern Comfort. Least that way I’ll feel a little better about it, if I can’t remember it. ;-)

On the whole my life is pretty quiet at the moment, but to be honest I think I quite like it that way, either that or I’m just getting used to it.

I’m not going anywhere this weekend for what seems like the first time in ages.

Sam went back to school on Tuesday, and she seems to be enjoying it so far, time will tell though I guess.

Daniel on the other hand doesn’t seem to be having much luck with his job hunting, I’m sure it’s a lot harder in the real world than he had allowed for. I had to tell him off the other day for being out at his friends house, when I felt he should be out looking for work, I explained to him that he needs a job now and he can ‘go and play with his little friends’ when he has a job and after his work day is complete. Lol

That’s it for now then, still got loads to do and little time to do it.

I’ll catch up with this again when I have more time.

7/9/2003

Here I am on a Sunday. What an exciting weekend it’s not been. I seem to have done nothing but housework. Still, just about every bit of laundry in the house is now clean and ready for ironing, lucky me; got my Sunday night worked out too.

I am still dreading next Saturday, I know its only another birthday but it’s a big one when you get to forty. Least ways it feels like it. I really should get out more.

I’ve been invited out on Friday next week to drown my sorrows, on Saturday to drown my sorrows and on Sunday to pick myself up. Shame, but I’m not so sure I want to go out on any of them. Lol.

Maybe I’m just back to being my normal miserable self, or maybe its just that its Sunday again.

It was nice while the kids were off ot not have to worry about having uniforms ready for Monday morning, but now Sam’s back at school its nose back to the grindstone time.

Its lunch time here now and Sam and Chelsea are both still n their nightwear playing on a dance mat in the middle room, hence me locking myself in the front room.

The bids are coming up on eBay nicely, all 19 lots shut on Saturday next, another good reason for being sober on my birthday. Lol. I’ll talk myself into staying at home yet.

14/09/2003

I did it! I managed to get through being forty!

What a miserable thing it is, to have a birthday at forty. I think I could have happily missed that one. Somehow or other I managed to avoid having a good time at all. I didn’t go out on Friday as I was supposed to, I managed to go out Saturday but only stayed ten minutes before going home then Sunday I managed to stay in and do housework. Gee, I need to do something with my life. At the moment I feel like I’m not doing anything or going anywhere other than waiting for the kids to leave home so I can be miserable and live on my own. It’s a worrying thought. I’ll have to give it a lot more thought.

I quite fancy this idea of selling up in a few years and travelling till the money runs out, maybe that’s the way forward.

I’ve told the kids we will get a trailer tent next year, at least that way we should get to have a holiday, maybe even more than one holiday a year. I’ve not had a holiday for 8 years.

Maybe that’s why I feel so p**d off, I need a break. Well, I can’t manage it yet so I’ll have to spend the next few months planning it.

My household clear out seems to be going ok, I have managed to sell a fair amount on eBay, still got too much junk round the house though. It’s looking clearer. I had things in boxes from when I moved 7 years ago. Who says I’m a hoarder? Or is it just that I’m a scruff? ;-)

28/09/2003

Well, I went out last night with a couple of friends of mine, and drank far more than is good or healthy for any one person. I don’t think it was the beer, and I know it wasn’t the Southern Comfort, so it must have been the whiskey, or possibly the bag of salted peanuts. ;-)

I haven’t listed anything on eBay this week, for two reasons, one I’ve not had the time to sort things out that I can afford to manage without, and secondly as I had two lots of auctions ending within three days of each other, I was beginning to lose track of where I was up to.

It’s been a strange weekend; Sam is away at her mums until Tuesday night, so its just Daniel and myself for a few days, hence the night out.

Sam is a little difficult at the moment, she is missing her mum I think, and as she matures she wants to spend more and more time with her. She is also missing us having pets; I’ve not had a dog now for four years, and the longest I’ve ever been without a dog. I’ve told Sam that I will consider getting a dog while she is away, it means a lot to her and both Daniel and myself are dog lovers, and if that’s all it takes to make Samantha happy then it’s a small price to pay. She’ll be really excited when she gets home on Tuesday when I tell her.

I’ll be seeing Jamie and Jake tomorrow; I’m taking them out for dinner, as I’ve not seen them for a while. I have spoken to them on the phone, but Jamie seems to be working most nights and I seem to be working most days, so it’s not so easy to stay in touch as it used to be. I understand that he has passed his driving test again, but he still doesn’t have a car on the road at the moment.

12/10/2003

Jeez, I look at this diary and the one thing that really stands out is that I do very little other than work and chase after the kids. Still, such is life I guess.

I don’t think it is just that though, if I’m honest. I think it’s more that when everything is busy and exciting I just don’t seem to get the time to write in here. Couple that with the fact that I have the attention span of a goldfish and you’ll see why it is that my life looks even more boring than it really is.

I have managed to update my links page with a couple of funny songs that I have had sent to me. Neither of the two files I have put up so far are suitable for children, so if you’re not over the age of eighteen then don’t listen to them. This means you Samantha. You too Dan, you’re only 16 and not even old enough to vote yet, and you know I’ll check the pc to see if you have both been cruising here!

Anyone that has been following my eBay adventures may have noticed that I have not listed anything recently, this is because it was becoming hard to keep track of everything I had awaiting payment or requiring posting. To say nothing of the fact that my front room is beginning to look like some sort of Fagin’s cave, with loads of bits piled up and flat packed boxes almost to the ceiling.

On the plus side, I had my new watchstrap arrive today from the States; I wasn’t sure whether or not they would let Stingray leather through customs, but it would appear that they would. All I have to do now is have it sized for my watch.

It still amazes me that we in the UK are willing to put up with being ripped off by the film studios the way we do. I mean, we get to pay about thirty percent more for films in this country than people in the states do. Why? Because the big film studios think they can get away with it, and they are right of course, we just take it and buy more. Well not anymore. I am not going to buy anymore DVD’s from the UK unless they drop the prices, its not right that it should be cheaper to buy from the other side of the world. Even after you have added on the additional postage costs discs are still significantly cheaper. I’ll take the cheaper prices and wait a week or two for my films from now on.

2/11/2003

Well, as you can no doubt tell, by my lack of recent entries, I’ve been as busy as hell lately. Some of which has been good and fun, some of which has not been so great.

Not great stuff, graphics card decided to pack in on my PC, still on the good side it gave me a chance to tidy up and clean behind the desk, and it certainly needed it. Anyway, went to the computer Fair yesterday at ‘Bowlers’, I’d not been for a while and it seems to have got a lot better since I last went there. Not only did I get a goodish graphic card, also picked up a new four port USB card while I was there, a couple of DVD’s, a new DVD player, and some DVD cases, they come in handy if you purchase disks from abroad as they quite often come without hard-cases to save on postage.

The box-set of Friends I bought for Sam came, took over a month to arrive though, so long in fact I had asked the person I bought off to send a second set out to ensure I got it in time. Fortunately she was a nice sort and has sent a second set to arrive with a free gift of series nine for Sam.

I also bought a picture this week; it’s a great picture by Derrick Sayer. It’s a nude of course, my favourite subject, but I’m not sure just yet where to put it. It may well have to wait until I decorate. At the moment it’s wrapped in brown paper and in storage with some of the prints I have not yet found a home for.

Took Samantha and myself off to the firework display at Platt Fields last night, it was great, not sure who enjoyed it the most her or me. Unfortunately Daniel felt he was to old to come this year, the fool!

I’m in the process of writing a letter to Sam’s school at the moment as well as typing this up, I’m arranging a meeting between myself and her tutors to see that she settles down a little bit. Don’t I get all the fun parts of parenting? Got to take the rough with the smooth I suppose.

I wasn’t sure about taking Sam, she’s not behaving to well at the moment, but as I grounded her last bonfire night I didn’t want to miss out on the firework display two years on the trot, so I relented and hope she gets better on trust. She is still grounded for a few things, and it will be some time before she is trusted again.

It’s a shame really, she’s a great kid and a lot of fun to be around, but at the moment she is hard work. Nothing I can’t handle, and I will, but it does take some of the enjoyment out of parenthood.

Daniel is starting another job tomorrow. We had to go and buy him a pair of safety boots, not easy on a Saturday. Fortunately Arco was open in Trafford Park, so he managed to pick up a pair for twenty pounds. Its strange, I’m still not used to thinking of him as an adult working for a living. It really doesn’t seem right that my ‘little’ boy is working. In some ways he is super sensible, but in others its all to easy to see the boy is still in there.

I didn’t go away this week with work, I had too much to do in the office, so I stayed Manchester side. I dare say I’ll have to make u0p for that over the next couple of weeks.

Its getting late again so I think I’ll leave this here for now, I’ve still got a few chores left before bed and its getting late.

8/11/2003

Tiring day today. Today I went to my nieces 5^th birthday bash, she had 30 friends there, yes, 30 four and five year olds all in one room. It was a big room but they don’t make rooms big enough for 30 kids that age, I got tired just watching them. I’m sure I never had so much energy. But at least when I had my fingers in my ears I knew I had made the right decision in not having any more kids. I only wish I’d learnt the lesson earlier. ;-)

Mind you I guess the ones I have are not so bad, just so long as you don’t have to see them or hear from them, back to Victorian values I say. Children should be seen and not heard. And if possible not seen!

Sam and Daniel aren’t getting on well at the moment and that may well be prejudicing my views. I feel sorry for Daniel, Sam is making his life hell at the moment, he can’t say or do anything right in her eyes. Its not as if she’s such a saint, she’s not. In all fairness though, they have both been on their best behaviour today. Considering they were at a party for a five year old, Daniel was great with the kids, and Sam was quiet and well behaved, she’s at an age where she is not quite sure where she fits in at the moment; she just sat quietly with me.

It was good to see my brother and his family today though; the only problem with the distance they live is that we don’t really tend to see as much of each other as we should. And never thought I’d say that, but I actually do miss him at times. I’ll be staying with him for Christmas though so we will soon be sick of each other again.

Doesn’t Christmas soon come around though? I think I’ve managed to get most of the things I wanted to get though, its going to be strange this year, Linda has the kids from Christmas eve until the day after Boxing day. I’m missing them already just at the idea of them being away from me. I suppose the break will do me good though.

19/12/2003

Ok time for an update. I’ve been so busy of late that I have not had a chance to update this site. That’s probably a good thing though, for the sake of literature.

After spending the last year stagnating, I have finally found my direction. I have finally found the person I want to spend my life with, and we have decided to go for it. No doubt we will have some trying times ahead of us, but I’m sure that if we put our minds to it we will achieve what we want.

I don’t really want to say anything else right now as things are still pretty fluid, but I’ll update again in the new year.